Quatre-vents

It had to happen. The time had come. During the course of a lifetime some things come to an end. This was my last Artiste en Residence. This one will be a fond memory. Talk about being spoiled…. One lovely lady made sure I had my fresh Timmy’s first thing in the morning. Another provided home made cookies hot off the press. Someone else billeted me, making sure I had all the comforts of home. And the students! Such a delight! So enthusiastic. We had such fun. So why stop? Well, I am not as young as I used to be. The boxes are heavy, too heavy. The days are long, too long. I no longer like to spend long periods of time away from home. I missed my glass of red wine and quiet conversation before dinner each evening. There comes a time when priorities change and quality of life supercedes what used to be necessities. I look forward to spending more time with my paintbrush, following my own inspiration. Who knows? It may be the best financial decision I ever made….

Fire Alarm

The fire alarm went off in the wee hours of the morning a few days ago. The building is fifty years old with eighteen families sharing the same roof. 911 was called, firemen arrived about five to ten minutes later, nothing….. A faulty unit on second floor. Sleep was fitful after that. As we were waiting I looked around our apartment and wondered what I could not live without. Could I walk away? There are some things that are irreplaceable such as family photos. A new laptop would mean building all I have stored all over again…. Not a comforting thought. I am working on a commission, tucked in the corner of the bedroom, a family photo or two that does not belong to me. That might be troublesome. All the paintings on the walls are originals. In the end what does it matter? I could walk away and begin again. Life is precious. This moment is precious. How I spend this moment builds the past. Today, right now, I am thankful for life and love. I am thankful for the gift of creativity. I am thankful.

Serendipity

Momentous decisions have taken me to a new space of disarray for the moment. There is a difference in this space; I feel way less fear. Now that could be a good thing or…. We won’t go there! As I move through the disarray I have noticed several instances of serendipitous advantage. In order to accommodate my new schedule as Resonator for BraveHeart Women in Edmonton I have decided to discontinue several time consuming activities that produced, to a large extent, my income as an artist and kept me away from painting as well. The painting stays, making money is out! Well, not completely. I am about to leave to teach in a small school in northern Alberta as Artiste en Residence. It will be my last school. Several months ago I began to fill the palettes so they would dry. Recently, as I went through the materials, I discovered that I really had very little to prepare. Everything just fell into place. Last week I had a visit from the organizers for my next show  (January 29^th to February 23^rd) at VASA in the Hemingway Centre, 25 Sir Winston Churchill Ave, St. Albert. They were concerned that the proposed fifteen drawings would not be enough to fill the space available so we discussed several possibilities. Then I mentioned that there were several other drawings in the same series which had never been framed. Perfect! I knew they were somewhere in my studio…. I looked and found other things for which I had been looking, reference photos for my next watercolour as an example… Having also found the drawings I inspected my stash of framing materials, everything but one lonely matt was waiting for me to put it together. Yes! I will do that today and finish up the prep for the school, may even get to the murals….. Live is good.

Overwhelm

Not so long ago overwhelm kept me from focusing on moving forward. There was a time when the fear became so great any simple decision such as what to have for supper became impossible. In that powerless state, should anyone approach, my defense would become violent and verbally abusive. The fullness of life cannot be found in such quarters. At that time I did not know there is another way. Today overwhelm is visiting me again. There are too many appointments, I have said ‘yes’ to too many things, I am way behind on preparations for presentations, I seem stuck in establishing a new painting routine, etc. So what do I do with the fear? What is its base? Allowing myself the time to identify the foundation of my fear is the key to releasing it. It has to do with my survival patterns and some old belief systems. We all have them. The survival patterns tell me I am not safe, a victim who is powerless and the old belief is I will be rejected if I do not perform perfectly so to please everyone. Sigh. Do I want to stay in this spot? No thank you. What can I do? I can choose. There is such freedom in choice. First thing is to take care of me: exercise, deep breathing, meditation, drinking lots of water (warmed up with a little Himalayan salt) and eating a good breakfast. Throw in a few hugs and I am set for the day. Suddenly I have lots of time. Today I am enjoying with much gratitude each moment as it comes. It feels good to be free.